So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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