On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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