He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
