I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
