my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
