the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
