I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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