i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
