Little spoons don't ask big questions
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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