he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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