My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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