I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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