This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ruined the universe
Randomize
