So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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