i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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