Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
