what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
