I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
