Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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