We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he told me I talked like a deaf person
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?