Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.