Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.