ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
