I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.