i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.