I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once