you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
