please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
