I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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