med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
