Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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