While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
