Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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