it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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