Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
