cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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