Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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