3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
