my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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