I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
