you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
