I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
