**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
