It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
