"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
