I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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