drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
