Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
