Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
