On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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