I want to have your abortion
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
