We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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