when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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