Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ok first of all what the fuck
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
