Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
