We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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