It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
