i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
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