Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
