First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
