my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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