If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize