the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
