I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
