Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
