I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
