I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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