we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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