Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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