Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
