The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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