And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
