I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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