there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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